One in 68 children born in the U.S. is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), which can range from severe autism to Asperger’s syndrome on the higher functioning end. Awareness has increased dramatically in the last several years, with a wide range of programs and information available to help create a supporting and productive environment for these youngsters as they grow up.

But what do they encounter as they move into the adult world? And how can the people around them optimize what can be a potentially difficult situation for both parties?

As children and teens, they may have gained techniques for adapting and coping, but life outside the bubble of home can present new challenges. In fact, individuals with higher functioning Asperger’s may have gone undiagnosed as children.

Here are some common traits of youngsters who may be on the spectrum:

• Preferring routines and predictability
• Disliking change
• Habitually wearing the same clothes
• Difficulty handling social situations
• Problems with writing
• Being bullied based on different behavior

Moving into Adulthood

In adulthood, they may interpret these experiences and feelings as resulting from stress, depression or anxiety. But a diagnosis of being on the Spectrum can bring significant relief, as well as an understanding of behaviors that can be adopted on their part as well as by those around them.

Yet many of those childhood challenges remain:

• Communicating with others
• Difficulty with language, intonation, social cues/nuances
• Sensitivity about personal space
• Distinctive or “different” patterns of speech
• Discomfort making eye contact
• Misunderstanding humor
• Preferring phone conversations to in-person
• Having to read too much text, including emails
• Difficulty focusing and staying on track with tasks
• A feeling that thought patterns are “different”
• Not understanding the “rules of the game”
• Coping with overwhelming stimuli (music, lights, crowds)

Living Positively

This condition is clearly a difficult proposition. So how can those of us who might be described by the medical community as neurotypical help provide a positive environment when living with an adult with Asperger’s?

One of the most common pieces of advice is to set clear boundaries and rules. Building that world of predictability invites more comfortable and natural behavior, while reducing friction and frustration. Be specific and don’t make assumptions about whether you’re being understood. Often, visuals like charts and pictures can illustrate what you’re after. It’s OK, even recommended, to explain the reasons for those boundaries and rules. As long as that explanation is succinct and to the point.

You can expect responses that may be based on logic more than common sense, so be prepared to factor that into your conversation. And, of course, be sensitive to the other’s emotions, potential anxieties and sensitivities to tone of voice. Lastly, as with all of us, recognize and encourage respect for your requests.

Also, be supportive of various coping mechanisms the person has developed or could adopt. Those can include everything from using a dating service to facilitate more comfortable interactions to helping organize a book or CD collection. Setting routines for activities like cleaning house can create opportunities to work together.

You can encourage taking a step back to reset or reboot when they become overloaded. And, on a more intangible level, you might be able to utilize the talent for pattern recognition often seen in people on the spectrum.

The online world can be a constructive destination. There are social media support groups of people with similar challenges for sharing experiences. And, of course, there’s a wealth of information to learn more about personal interests.

Being a Partner

Obviously, a spouse can be tested in a relationship with someone with Asperger’s. The first thing to do is gain knowledge of the condition, whether that’s from reading or a physician. Remember that you’re not alone. There are others in the same situation. So tap into support groups and others who can help.

You’ll likely feel you spend all your time caring for your partner. That devotion is wonderful, but make sure to take time for yourself and things you like to do. As in many situations like this, you’ll be happier and a better partner overall if you set your own boundaries and stick to them.

Avoid ambiguity when talking with your spouse. Communicating in writing is often a good idea. Still, you can expect that your feelings and opinions may often not be understood, given weight or even remembered.

Be vigilant when it comes to money. Your spouse’s limited impulse control and focus on their needs can lead to financial actions that have an impact on the entire family. When it comes to your children, in all likelihood, you’ll need to assume full responsibility or close to it for managing them.

Lastly, but vitally, put guilt aside. You are not responsible for your spouse’s condition. You may care deeply for them, but you are ultimately responsible for yourself.

Living with a person with Asperger’s, or at a different point on the spectrum, can be arduous. But all of us have intrinsic value and contributions to make. Often apparent weaknesses can be real strengths. It all comes down to gaining the knowledge, understanding, empathy and adaptability that create a world in which everyone’s talents can shine.